Dear Shimako
by HaruMichi
Summary: Dear Shimako...


Dear Shimako:  
Hello! More stories to make up for the time loss! Here you go! I'm starting a series called, Dear onee-sama, where the petite seours write to their onee-sama! I won't do Touko, Noriko, and the onee-sama's of Youko, Sei, and Eriko. It'll be about the first season cast of Maria-Sama Ga Miteru. Where the petite seour writes a letter to the onee-sama and vice versa. This one is Sei to Shimako.

Dear Shimako:

By: Juliet Taylor (HaruMichi)

Dear Shimako,

Don't cry, Shimako...  
I'm not worth your tears.  
I wasn't.  
I'm not.  
And I never will be...  
Worth it.  
I will  
Never be worthy  
Of you.  
You still have so much  
Ahead of you.  
You still have so much  
Left in you.  
You still have so much  
Days left.  
Days where  
I'm not there.  
Days where  
I'll never be there.  
Not that it matters much, ne?  
Since I was never there  
With you  
From the start.  
I was always  
Off in my own little world  
Leaving you behind  
To wait  
Until I came back.  
But even though,  
When I was there  
I was always with  
Someone else...  
I'm sorry that  
I wasn't there.  
That it seemed as if  
I didn't care.  
But I did.  
I still do.  
And I always will.  
I'm sorry  
For everything.  
I wish I could tell you  
I did that for you.  
I wish I could tell you  
I did all that  
To make you stronger.  
But that would just be to  
Make myself look better.  
Because the reason was  
I was selfish.  
I wanted to protect  
My heart.  
I wanted to always  
Keep one hand over it  
And with another hand  
Block the world  
From it's vulnerability.  
Because I was worried  
That it would break again.  
Because it had become  
So fragile,  
So weak,  
It couldn't bear  
Another crack.  
So I didn't realize  
I blocked you out as well.  
That I never got a chance  
To be the perfect onee-sama  
You wanted.  
You needed.  
You deserved.  
Or maybe I didn't give myself a chance.  
Sometimes..  
I wish I did...  
Sometimes..  
I wish I wasn't so hesitant.  
And treated you  
The way you should've been treated.  
You don't know  
How many times  
I look back  
And wish I could've done something  
Anything  
To show you that  
You meant  
So much to me.  
Just so I can carry  
At least a little of your warmth  
To survive.  
But at that time  
I was too scared  
And I still am.  
A little child  
Afraid of it's fears  
Running away  
Helplessly trying to avoid it.  
Sometimes..  
It felt as if you  
Were the onee-sama  
And I was your petite seour.  
Because that's how  
Childish I was.  
I'm sorry...

But don't worry, Shimako.  
Soon those first years  
Will be spilling out in to the school  
And then you'll meet your own  
Petite seour.  
And be the perfect  
Onee-sama  
I never was.  
You'll change,  
You'll grow,  
You'll become  
The woman  
I know you'll be.  
And soon you'll head off,  
And follow your dreams.  
You'll marry.  
Then...  
You'll have  
Three,  
Five,  
Or seven kids.  
And be the best mother  
Anyone could ever be.  
You'll own  
A cozy home  
In the middle of  
The suburbs.  
With a white picket fence,  
And a family dog.  
Next to it.  
You'll live the perfect  
Happy ending.  
The one I wish  
I could've given you...

I know you will.  
You'll find someone,  
Someone worthy  
To be  
With someone like you.  
Or at least good enough  
To be with you.  
Because no one is  
Good enough,  
No one will ever be  
Good enough  
Because I was never  
Good enough  
To touch an angel.  
A devil like me,  
Should never taint  
Your pure white wings  
For my one selfish needs.  
So go...  
Fly off to God...  
Fly off in to  
The sky..  
Disappear into the heavens.  
Because you belong there.  
I don't.  
I lost.  
He won.  
Leave me here  
To burn  
In the fire's  
Of this demonic place.  
Don't let me touch you.  
Don't let me taint you.  
Please don't.  
Just fly off  
And leave me here.  
Don't worry.  
I'm not that important.  
You won't miss me,  
You won't cry anymore  
When I'm gone.  
I know you won't...  
Soon..  
Day by day,  
You'll get..  
You'll get used to..  
To not seeing my face..  
Until soon you  
Get used to  
Never seeing me  
Anymore...  
And as you fly,  
Higher and higher,  
I'll fade in to the distance  
And one day be  
Forgotten.

I'll miss you.

Truly yours,  
Satou Sei


End file.
